I have always loved to swim its second nature to me. For as long as I can remember it’s been very important to me until I started putting on weight. When the weight came the swimming went away. I think walking away from swimming has been the hardest thing that came with gaining weight.
I know it wasn't necessary for me to walk away but in my heart it was. I couldn't take that feeling of everyone staring at me or at least the idea of it anyway. Every summer I hope that this will be the one that I can finally feel comfortable swimming but one after another they come and go.
At some point you have to ask yourself how long are you going to keep doing this? How long are you going to allow weight to control every aspect of your life? It's sad when I think about all the wasted time and wasted years that I have done this same thing over and over.
Sometimes I feel like each year is just a repeat of the last with some good add and some bad added. It’s just the same other than that. I think that's sad, but yet I know that's what happens when food controls you or anything controls you for that matter. It's just sad...
I have had so many hopes and dreams that have never come to fruition because I have allowed my food intake to prevent those dreams from happening. In my world fat people or at least me don't wear swim suits which means I am missing out on the diving I love, the snorkeling I love and swimming in general. It's sad but it's true.... Now I think I am even sadder ugh!