Thursday, August 13, 2015

Scooby Doo Where Are You?

Posted by Kody at Skinny Sized at Thursday, August 13, 2015 0 comments Links to this post

I could lie and tell you that I have JUST been busy. The truth is I have been busy but the lie would come in that that was my only problem. In all honesty I have not been motivated to do anything… nothing at all. I don’t work out, and I don’t watch what I eat and I don’t do squat.

I think I am a little depressed. I can’t find a job which hurts my heart. I spent thousands and thousands of dollars on an education that has left me unemployed. It makes me so sad. I don’t feel like getting up in the morning, I don’t want to exercise, and I have no desire to count a calorie. It’s pathetic, but it’s honest and it’s honestly me.

I am so ready for my life to move forward right now it just hangs there in the middle of no place, going no place, and getting nowhere. I see my life ticking by and nothing is changing. I feel like a total failure. I could have been in this same place without going to college. I have been on one interview and never heard a thing back. I guess they didn’t want me either.

I pray and I pray for something to give. I ask Jesus to help me and put me where I should be. For some reason nothing changes. I just keep hanging on and hanging on…

I am sorry I have been MIA I just don’t have anything good to report or bad for that matter other than the fact that I am not doing well. I hope you all are doing better than I am…

Friday, July 10, 2015

The Nightmare Continues...

Posted by Kody at Skinny Sized at Friday, July 10, 2015 0 comments Links to this post

I would like to start this off by telling you that this has been a great week but sadly that would be a lie. The fact of the matter is that the last three weeks have been hell. I am still trying to find a job which is always a nightmare but so is my husband so that nightmare is now shear panic.

I have been so sick the last three weeks with a sinus infection that in all honesty I feel like shit all the time so much so that I am always having someone ask me if I am OK. Nope, not OK at all. Finally yesterday I called the doctor to see if he would send me an antibiotic. He was so kind to do so without seeing me. Praise God! I am hoping that this will kick off me feeling better. I am just tired of it and everything else to be honest with you.

I feel like I have reached my breaking point. I am just on edge all the time, worried all the time, now add the sinus infection on top of that… losing weight and worrying about my weight have not been my priority.  It should be but it hasn’t…

This week my husband had a ton of interviews so I would go with him and hang out in the car. I know that sounds weird but we really are a team and it’s just what we have done for each other for the last 10 years. It’s our thing. One day I waited in the car for 4 hours. Seriously? Who does a 4 hour interview… it didn’t even pan out in the end…

I hope I can get it together this coming week. The last three weeks have been epic failures and I have no one to blame but myself. My husband said he wants to go balls out next week with food and working out. We will see if he holds true to that…

I hope you are all doing well and have a great weekend! 

Wednesday, July 8, 2015

Weighting on Life Wednesday: Boys and Dating..,

Posted by Kody at Skinny Sized at Wednesday, July 08, 2015 0 comments Links to this post

There are so many things in life I realize I have either missed out on or continue to miss out on because of my weight. One of those things was dating.

I never really dated in high school. There was some boys that would show me attention but it was normally negative attention. Even if I did get boys who were interested in me it was normally because they thought I was easy and desperate.

I suppose they were really the desperate ones if they had to look to the fat chick in homes of getting a little something from her. When all of my friends were going out on dates or having crushes on boys I was the one who sat in silence for fear of being asked about boys myself.

I didn’t want to put any boy in the weird position of knowing that I had a crush on him. I wouldn’t even let my mind think that way for fear nothing would come of it other than ridicule.

I remember having a crush on a football player. He was one of the nobodies in school. Even though he was in the team he wasn’t good and he wasn’t popular. I remember going to a pep rally and him making a point of sitting next to me. I know he knew I had a crush on him and in all honesty I think he felt the same way. We both knew it would never go anyplace but it was fun while it lasted. He would graduate a year before me and I would never see him again. It’s funny how things change and people change.

It is sad how we miss out on so much in life because of our weight. It’s really sad. I know that God puts us where we need to be when we need to be there, but it doesn’t change the fact that we sabotage so much of our lives with our weight. If we could only go back and start over. How do you think your life would be different?

Thinking about all that you are missing out on or have missed out on certainly gives you pause to think and just might give you a reason to make better decisions… 

Monday, July 6, 2015

How My Perspective Changed! The My Fitness Pal Truth!

Posted by Kody at Skinny Sized at Monday, July 06, 2015 0 comments Links to this post

OK so before anyone starts jumping on me let me say that I always knew that the Myfitnesspal exercise calorie count would not be correct when it came to how many calories you were burning while you were exercising. I knew this…

What I didn’t know was just how far the count would be off. I always suspected it would be off. That just made sense to me, but after getting my Polar FT4 fitness watch I got a rude awakening as to just how far off Myfitnesspal was!

I WAS an avid rider of the exercise bike until I started using the Polar FT4! I thought (that’s what I get for thinking) that I was burning around 689 calories for a vigorous 30 minute bike ride! Boy is that number way off! It’s not even close to what I am actually burning. According to my Polar FT4 for a 30 minute vigorous bike ride I am actually only burning 223 calories.

Talk about heart breaking! I mean serious! 30 minutes going 20 miles an hour on an exercise bike is only about equal to eating two 100 calorie snack packs? Give me a break! That is a lot of work for so few calories!

For toning obviously it’s a great ride but it’s not a great ride when we are talking about burning calories. I was heartbroken. I mean really heartbroken. Like I said I knew Myfitnesspal would be off but I didn’t realize that far off. Now I think about all the times that I would eat some of those calories back and now it makes even more sense as to why some weeks I thought I should be losing but wasn’t.

It has also make me have a lot of resentment. So much resentment that getting on the bike (mentally) has almost been impossible. Don’t get me wrong I have other things I can use. I have a treadmill, stairmaster, bands, weights, stepper for aerobics and all that jazz, but the bike has made me angry. I am really angry at the bike lol. I resent wasted hours expecting results that I wasn’t getting! I get exercise is exercise and it’s awesome that you are getting it but I want what I was expecting. Now I am expecting very little on the bike and that’s what I am getting… very little

Don’t get me wrong I don’t blame Myfitnesspal I think they have an awesome sight. I blame myself for believing something when I had no proof!

The moral of this story is getting a heartrate monitor so that you can actually see the results and see what you are really doing is a key ingredient to your weight loss success. I would hate to think anyone else would fall into the trap I did.

It’s worth the investment and it’s something you can use for a great deal of time!

Saturday, July 4, 2015

Week #4 Update! Down a total of 20.8 Pounds

Posted by Kody at Skinny Sized at Saturday, July 04, 2015 0 comments Links to this post

I ended up weighing in early this week. I knew we had a lot of weekend plans that could mean not being able to make the best choices. I am OK with that because I know that no matter what weight I am at there will always be holidays and I know that it’s OK to splurge on occasion.

I am pleased with my weigh in this week. I saw an exact 2 pound weight loss! Considering that this past week didn’t exactly go as planned I am happy with the results.
The job hunt is still at a standstill. I am so frustrated by this whole process. I swear I was more qualified to work before I had a degree. I am either over qualified or under qualified it seems in just about every position. No one even wants to give me a chance. To say that is depressing is an understatement!

Post workout sweat!

I have been trying to let it go and know that when it’s meant to be it will be. In the mean time I have been trying to do some new workouts like step aerobics, running (for as long as I can) and stair master. Wow talk about feeling uncomfortable in places I have never felt discomfort before. It’s actually a good thing and I am pleased with everything I am feeling. In all honesty I love feeling the soreness because to me that means I am making a difference!

Starting Weight: 310
Current Weight: 289.2

Total Loss: 20.8 pounds down!

Monday, June 29, 2015

Week #2 of Stumbling Along...

Posted by Kody at Skinny Sized at Monday, June 29, 2015 0 comments Links to this post

This is one of my favorite afternoon snacks!
Hi Everyone,

So needless to say the last two weeks have been an epic failure. As a matter of fact last week I hit the skidz! I am in such a dark and depressed mood that I had very little motivation to move any part of my body much less workout. My period was coming and did at the end of the week so that was part of it.

The other part was the heartaches of finding a job. I just wish someone would give me a chance. The fact of the matter is that I am a very loyal person and if you treat me right I will stick around. I haven’t had very many jobs in my life because I stay until the job runs out. I am a quick learner especially when it comes to computers but so far no one is very interested. I guess time will tell…

I plan to get back on it this week and feel better about myself. It’s been hard, and when hard time are sitting in it’s really hard to look forward and think positively. I know I have to in order to move on with my life. I think when life gets settled again things will get easier for me.
Microwave these for 20 seconds at a time for 1 minute to make awesome pepperoni chips! Love them!!

I wouldn’t normally reach out to strangers for a prayer but if you have in it you will you say a prayer that my husband and I find jobs quickly. Things don’t happen as fast as I would like them too, but nothing moves at the speed we want it to do they?
Well I am planning on weighing in when I wake up in a few hours so I will let you all know how that goes. I hope you are all doing well on your weight loss journey. If you know anyone doing a challenge I would love to join in. I feel like I need a support system to get involved with. Maybe that will give me the motivation I need.

I hope all is well for you all!!

Sunday, June 21, 2015

Week 3 Update... Disaster Zone! Watch for FAILING Objects!

Posted by Kody at Skinny Sized at Sunday, June 21, 2015 0 comments Links to this post

Sadly this past week was a miserable failure. I lost weight, not a lot, but some. I am not sure how. I would seriously be fibbing if I said it was even remotely good or that I was expecting a loss because I wasn’t. I have no clue how that even happened. I suppose I shouldn’t question it but I do.

I just don’t get it. You know what I mean. You have a horrible week and you lose and a great week and you don’t lose or gain. I swear the body plays terrible mind games with you.

I am so disappointed in myself. No matter what I did I just couldn’t get into it. The week was a mess. We had tropical storm Bill roll in on Monday and Tuesday. Wednesday was a sleep all day kind of day. Thursday my husband had two job interviews that I waited in the car for him while he was in there. Nope even after my husband living in this city for 10 years he is still not comfortable going to certain areas he is unfamiliar with. No biggy I didn’t mind the down time. Thursday was also his birthday then Friday we had another sleep all day sort of day. The week was not productive at all. A ton of rain, and humidity. No excuses just a fact! No blame except on myself. All I have wanted to do is eat this week.

My food was also terrible. One night we had Frito pies, one night pizza, and way WAY too many burgers! Well you get the point the list goes on. I am just embarrassed! I think what upsets me even more is the fact that my husband and I have been plans for Halloween and I would really love to wear a cute costume but the fact of the matter is that if I don’t lose weight I won’t get to wear anything cute again… so basically it comes down to either getting my shit together or losing out on another awesome thing that could happen…

On a bright note my husband bought me a polar heart rate monitor and one for himself too. We are both pretty excited about it. I am going to start using it today. I would love any feedback you might have.

Nothing has changed on the job front… I am still looking… shesh I feel like such a loser right now in all aspects of life! Oh well here is to a new week!!

Monday, June 15, 2015

Yep, So the Scale Says...

Posted by Kody at Skinny Sized at Monday, June 15, 2015 0 comments Links to this post

As I reported Friday I knew the scale was going to show a gain because I was showing it Friday and weighing in on Saturday and sure enough there it was. I must admit at first I was a bit perplexed by the gain but the mystery was solved the more I thought about it. Although I stayed within my calories last week I didn’t eat the best calories at time. One day I had a breakfast sandwich from a fast food joint and a soda to the tune of 700 calories. I didn’t go over for the day but the fat and sugar were killer that day. One day my husband brought home pizza and so on and so on…. I haven’t had a soda since Thursday and have no intention of having one any time soon. I need to walk away from them… for good!

This week I hope to accomplish a lot! I have some projects in the mix that I need to get done with and a few I need to work on. I am still trying to find a job here in Houston, but I must admit it’s not going as easy and I had hoped. It’s pretty depressing to be honest with you. Not even one call last week, no responses, not even an email… so bummed… pretty depressing… I am just ready to move on with my life… if you are giving out jobs look here lol!

I don’t have much more than a few projects going on this week. We are going to be having some bad weather coming in tonight or tomorrow. We may be seeing a tropical storm. No big deal, not my first, or my last…

My Goals This week:
  • 100 ounces of water per day
  • Hit my calories 1550/ day no more.
  • No eating after midnight
  • Get more sleep
  • Get at least 1 hour of some sort of exercise per day
  • Accomplish things I need to get done around the house

Friday, June 12, 2015

Week #2 ALMOST in the Books!

Posted by Kody at Skinny Sized at Friday, June 12, 2015 0 comments Links to this post

I really expected tomorrow’s weigh in to be a pretty good one. I didn’t go over my calories any day this week and I got in a few workouts. I even did my first two morning workouts which is huge for me.

I was really bummed when I decided to take a sneak peak at the scale this morning only to see that I had actually gained 1 pound. How the hell was that possible? I almost feel like a fool for looking because my desire to workout suddenly went down the drain when I saw the number. It really hurt to see it. I swear sometimes when I think I am having a bad week I lose and when I think it’s a great week I got or have a super small loss.

I started really thinking about a few things. The bathroom hasn’t been my friend this week. In other words I think I am retaining a lot of water. Also my husband brought home pizza but I didn’t eat over my calories. I did notice when I was putting the pizza into MFP that the pizza was extremely high in salt but I kind of wondering that was a typo. Now I am beginning to think that it was on point…

I watched my calories hard this week. I am stunned that I may see a gain. If I do … I do… I will be OK with it but it really throws me off the goals I thought I was going to be hitting. I suppose that it means I just have to work that much harder and start thinking thinks through a little more.

This weekend I have to do some birthday shopping for my husband. I have no clue what to get him but I have to find something his birthday is at the end of next week. I hope you all have some fun plans! It looks like it’s going to be raining all weekend and all next week… fun fun fun!! 

Wednesday, June 10, 2015

Weighting on Life Wednesday: Being a Joiner!

Posted by Kody at Skinny Sized at Wednesday, June 10, 2015 0 comments Links to this post

There are so many things in life I realize I have either missed out on or continue to miss out on because of my weight. One of those things is joining in on life…

I know that sounds ambiguous but it’s really true. So much of my life I have allowed to slip away and not take part in because my weight was holding me back. I never joined in on anything because I was fearful of being judged. I didn’t think I had a chance at anything so what was the point?

I never joined any plays in school, never tried out for musicals, or anything athletic. Obviously sports were out for me. No one wants the fat girl trying to run around the bases. Plays and musicals were out too because I figured unless they were looking for a fat person they were not looking for me. I could never join drill team or cheerleading because I was fat I didn’t even date much in school because I wasn’t wanted. OK so I don’t know if I was wanted or not but I certainly would have given off the vive not to bother me. I had that protective thing going on.

It make me sad that I have allowed something that could so easily be changed (so to speak) alter my life so much…

I missed out on a lot so far in my life. Sadly, it continues today…  I miss out on things every day. I am looking forward to the day that my weight does not hold me back. I still have a long way to go but I will get there. I am ready to be happy and I am ready to be sit free from this cage of fat!

Thinking about all that you are missing out on or have missed out on certainly gives you pause to think and just might give you a reason to make better decisions… 

Tuesday, June 9, 2015

Help Me… Don’t Hurt Me!

Posted by Kody at Skinny Sized at Tuesday, June 09, 2015 0 comments Links to this post

This past weekend was a bit of a struggle for me because I felt a lot of pressure from someone around me who wanted to eat out at places that I knew I couldn’t eat out at.  There are just those places that you know are not a good fit for you or you know that with what you have already eaten this meal will just push you over. I was in a push me over situation. I knew that if I had lunch with her then added dinner later I would be way over in calories. I even offered to go with her and just not eat. It really wouldn’t have bothered me but she said if I wasn’t eating she wasn’t going. I know she meant well…

I didn’t give in … somehow I stood my ground but I felt bad about it. Not bad because I thought of myself first but bad because I could tell I hurt her feelings. I love this person very much but she doesn’t seem to get it when I say I just can’t.

I know it’s because she doesn’t want to change her life at least not right now. Maybe I should say I know she wants too but I don’t think she is ready too. There is a big difference. I disappointed her which made me sad but it made me even sadder that she doesn’t really seem to get it.

What sucks more than anything is that I really need her on board with me. She is very special in my life. Next to my husband she is my best friend. I know that she wants what is best for me but at the same time not if it’s going to interfere with what she wants. Does that make sense? Don’t’ get me wrong I get that, and I don’t resent it at all because I have been in her shoes. I just wish I could make her see that I am really trying ... again. 

I need her to help me not hurt me…

Monday, June 8, 2015

Weight In Update!!

Posted by Kody at Skinny Sized at Monday, June 08, 2015 0 comments Links to this post
Ugh look at those fat feet!

Hi guys!

Happy Monday! I hope you all had a really nice weekend! I have a nice and restful weekend. I didn’t do any workouts but I watched what I was eating regardless. I didn’t want to but I did.

I weighed in on Sunday morning with surprising results. I saw that I lost 5.2 pounds. I find that awesome because last week was the first week that I really concentrated on my food and water, and I even got a few workouts in. I am pretty happy!

Today was not the best day. I did fine with food but I didn’t do well with water at all. Honestly it was like I just couldn’t get it down. Some days will just be that way I guess. I didn’t even get close to my 100 ounces which is my daily goal. Last week I got it in every day.

I suspect that tomorrow will be a better day. There is a lot going on right now because I am trying to find a job. If anyone knows of a good job in Houston let me know. I am feeling a bit defeated.

I hope you all are doing really well. I am good and in a good place right now besides the job part of course. Happy week everyone!!

Friday, June 5, 2015

Week #1 ALMOST in the Books!

Posted by Kody at Skinny Sized at Friday, June 05, 2015 1 comments Links to this post

Happy Friday everyone!

I hope you all had a wonderful week. My week went well although so far I have only gotten 2 workouts in. I am going to make it up this weekend with two days of hitting it hard. This week has been crazy! I have been staying busy looking for my first job in years. Going to school has been my job now it’s time to move on and move forward. I can’t wait!

My eating has been pretty good this week I have been counting my calories and drinking water like it’s going out of style. I have hit my 100 ounces of water each day! I love that and I am so proud of myself for it.

I had a nonscale victory yesterday that I am pretty proud of. I went to the store on the out of town. I have a 2 hour drive and I was starving. I looked all over the store for a snack. I didn’t want to get anything that was too high in calories or anything that would cause me too eat too much. I couldn’t get fruit because I had no way or washing it and I couldn’t get anything in a large bag because I was so hungry I would have binged. I ended up with a multi pack of 100 calorie almond snack packs. I HATE giving in and buying such things because they are such a rip off, and this one was too believe me, but I also know my weakness and sometimes you have to put your principals aside for your own wellbeing. The almonds did the trick! I had 1 pouch and I was good to go. They were very satisfying and delicious! I am very proud of my decision. They also have 4grams of protein which helps to satisfy the belly!

I do have some good news! I got a confirmation that my graduation was approved and my diploma is on the way. I can’t even begin to tell you how excited I am that I am officially I college graduate! Graduating was great but until final grades are in and until the school confirms it you are not a graduate!

This is my first week being 100% back on board and I must admit I am a little nervous about the weekend. These are the times that I fail miserably. The good news is that I don’t have anything bad in my house to each which makes it hard to fail when I am at home. The key to this week will be eating at home no matter what. Plus it’s a great way to save money!

Happy weekend ya’ll I hope you are all doing well. Is anyone up for a summer challenge or do you know of a challenge about to start. I would love to get involved. Let me know! I would love to get involved!!  

Wednesday, June 3, 2015

Weighting on Life Wednesday: Cute Clothes

Posted by Kody at Skinny Sized at Wednesday, June 03, 2015 1 comments Links to this post

There are so many things in life I realize I have either missed out on or continue to miss out on because of my weight. One of those things is cute clothes…

Don’t get me wrong you can find some nice clothes that are cute for plus sized people but you can find so many more for smaller sizes. I have never been a clothes hound simply put because when you can’t find a lot of cute clothes then what is the point?

I don’t find pleasure in shopping …I actually hate it. I wear t-shirts and jeans daily because I don’t have to be creative and I don’t have to face the dressing room, mirrors, or tears. There is no feeling that could be more horrible than trying on a store full of clothes only to find out nothing fits. I don’t get any pleasure from shopping. I want to, I would love to, but it’s just not there.

I want to wear cute clothes not tents. I want to look nice and feel good about myself but as long as I have to wear plus sized clothes I see no point. I want to shop in all of those shops that line the halls of the shopping mall. I have never stepped foot in an American Eagle, Hollister, Gap, Express, A’Gaci, or the Limited. I never even look at them when I walk by because it makes me sad. I want to be able to go into those stores and shop.

I know that the only way I can ever shop at any of those stores is to lose weight. Even if some of them have plus sized clothing I will never know because I don’t want to wear there plus sized stuff I want to wear their normal sized clothing. I want to feel normal and look normal. I want to fit in like everyone else.

Thinking about all that you are missing out on or have missed out on certainly gives you pause to think and just might give you a reason to make better decisions… 

Thursday, May 28, 2015

Why Are Department Stores Embarrassed by Plus Sized Clothing?

Posted by Kody at Skinny Sized at Thursday, May 28, 2015 0 comments Links to this post

Have you ever noticed that plus sized clothing is always shoved in the back of every department store? Looking for the plus size department is like an archeology dig. By the time you actually find the plus size department you have either lost 20 pounds or you are extinct like the dinosaurs.

It’s the craziest thing I have ever seen. When I see that a department store has buried the plus size department on the 3rd floor in the back near the bathrooms and the dish towels I feel like they are saying… “You are so fat that you should be ashamed to be in the front.” “You know you are embarrassed to be your size and we are embarrassed for you so we are hiding you in the back.” “We don’t want others to see the embarrassment on your face so we are hiding you away.” I don’t get it…  I know I am not what they want to showcase but why carry the clothing I wear if they are embarrassed to have me in their stores?

Don’t get me wrong I am not proud to be shopping in the plus size department but I will tell you that my money is the same color as the person who wears a size 2 and it spends the same. I get that these department stores want the perfectly pretty out in front but the last time I check the majority of the United States is overweight …not the other way around.

Let’s get real here… Plus size clothing’s costs a hell of a lot more money than smaller sizes so the department stores are making a nice extra hunk of change on us. You can see the same outfit in misses that happens to be in plus size but you are going to pay a lot more for it. I understand that larger sizes means more cloth which means more money. I get that! But I also don’t believe that these manufactures are using so much more material that the price should be double. If you are going to charge more money for plus sizes then shouldn’t I at least be able to find the plus size department without needing to bring in Inspector Gadget to hunt the department down?

Many fashion designers are starting to figure out that there is a market for nice plus size clothing. Can you imagine that it has taken them this long to figure it out? I have read where some designers have gone as far as to say that they won’t make plus size clothing because they don’t want FAT people wearing their clothing’s because it doesn’t fit their “image!” No problem… Calvin Klein and Ralph Lauren like my money… clearly they are not picky and they make awesome plus size clothing!

The catch phrase of the moment is “fat shaming” well in my opinion placing the plus size department in the last place in the department store you would ever look is a form of fat shaming. I suppose until we change our size we should expect to be an embarrassment to department stores. We should expect to be put in the back for not being like everyone else. We should expect to be segregated from the rest of the population…. Hummmm sound familiar?

Tuesday, May 26, 2015

It's OK to be Different...

Posted by Kody at Skinny Sized at Tuesday, May 26, 2015 0 comments Links to this post

A few days ago my mom and I went out for lunch. Maybe I should clarify I went with her. My stomach was a mess thanks to drainage and that TOM. I sat there talking to her while she ate. I ended up eating her flour tortilla which actually made my stomach feel better.  As I was sitting there I noticed a very large woman sitting down and across from me.

This woman was probably 700 pounds or more. At some point the number doesn’t matter ….she was a large woman. Don’t mistake my observations for judgement because I certainly wasn’t judging her.  Hell I have no room to judge anyone nor would I do such a thing… I hope!

The first thing I observed about her was the fact that she could hardly fit in the chair. You could not even see the chair anymore. She was sitting there eating a massive amount of food. I get the amount of food because it would take a lot of fill her up. She wouldn’t be eating what someone who weighed 150 pounds would be eating and still be satisfied. It’s understandable…

The first thing that stood out to me while I was looking her way was how did she find clothes that fit? I had a hard enough time finding clothes to fit me when I was looking for something to wear to graduation and she is 1.5 times my size. That must be something that she struggles with daily either that or she just wears the same things over and over. In some ways I could sympathize except I just don’t buy a ton of clothes because I am hoping to be too small for them one day…

When she stood up to leave every eye in the restaurant was on her. I figured I was sympathizing with her, and most everyone else was judging her or making fun of her. She got on a city bus designed for people with special needs and rode away.

It made me sad. It made me hurt. It made me realize that it doesn’t matter your size or the amount of weight you need to lose. We are all in this struggle together. Regardless of if she is trying to change her life or not she is a human.  I know that if I feel people laughing at me or making fun of me at my size I can only imagine what she has to go through. It doesn’t matter how long you have had to deal with something we all have feelings. 

We all feel pain and hurt. We all want to be accepted. We all want to be loved…

Saturday, May 23, 2015

I Wish You Could See Me as Being More Than Invisible… I Have Feelings Too

Posted by Kody at Skinny Sized at Saturday, May 23, 2015 1 comments Links to this post

I was reading an article the other day that really caught my eye. The women in the article mentioned that she realized how people avoided her in social situations because of her weight. She said she felt invisible around people she didn’t know. The avoidance made her feel invisible to the world.

This hit me like a ton of bricks. Invisible… that is the perfect world to define have I have been feeling all of these years. I could feel her pain because I realize that when I am in social situations most of the time I am invisible too. It’s funny that people who are uncomfortable around someone over weight will avoid them at all cost and make them invisible. The looks, the stares, or just simply looking through someone else makes them feel invisible.
I always find humor in the fact that my husband and I can be in a social situation where people will be conversing with him like it’s going out of style whereas I could stand there will a purple gorilla suit on and they wouldn’t even notice that I was in the room much less standing right next to him. He doesn’t need to lose weight. He is in great shape… his wife on the other hand… well I am a shape!

Why is it that people feel uncomfortable around others that are overweight? Does being overweight make others feel so uncomfortable that they can’t even make eye contact? Does someone overweight make them sick to their stomachs, or make them feel disgusted in general? I don’t get it. Aren’t we all human? Does our weight define who we are? When people avoid you because of your weight they are defining that as who you are. You are nothing more than FAT!

For those people it doesn’t matter if you are well educated, a good person, wealthy, poor, generous, funny, personable, black, white, purple, short, tall, pretty, or even ugly. Nothing matters but the fact that you are FAT! You could be the smartest, nicest, person in the world but all they will see is a FAT person daring to stand in the same room with them.

It makes me sad. It hurts me when I am in a room and it’s obvious someone doesn’t want to deal with me because of my weight. It doesn’t hurt any less based on the person who is making you feel less human that you may already feel. I am not saying everyone feels thing way, but I am saying I have encountered that feeling far more than I should have. I wouldn’t avoid a little person because they are different than I am or a person with downs syndrome because we are not the same. Would you avoid someone who is bald because they are doing chemo? I would hope not. I suppose those avoiders would come back and say that I am making the choice to be FAT the people mentioned above don’t have a choice…

I remember being at Walmart one day and this lady deliberating hit me hard with her cart. When I turned back and looked at her she said “well if you were not so FAT I wouldn’t have had to hit you to get you out of my way” …”you deserve what you get for being so FAT”… She never asked me to move or even indicated she needed where I was at. I don’t even know that she had been on the aisle until just before it happened. I still want to cry thinking about it. I was standing in the aisle innocently off on the side picking something off the shelf only to be hit intentionally just because she felt she could. My life literally had no worth in the world to this lady. I deserved nothing to her! I especially didn’t deserve respect or kindness. You are FAT you deserve nothing except abuse because you are worthless. She didn’t say that, but I suppose she didn’t have to. This was a middle aged women who just wanted to be mean because she could. It was all I could do not to shove the basket back at her but I knew the way I was feeling I would hurt her and I would have assault charges brought against me. She wasn’t worth it. I just wish I knew why it was necessary? I had never seen her in my life, never had an encounter with her at any point, but for some reason she felt she had a valid reason to attack me because simply put… I was FAT!

When did being FAT mean you were no longer human, and you no longer had feelings? When did being FAT mean that people no longer had to use manners towards you, or the rules no longer applied when they had to deal with you? Why do some people feel they have the right to belittle you because you are not like them?

I am not justifying being overweight! I don’t want to be overweight. I am not one of those people who thinking being FAT is OK or healthy or beautiful.  BUT why is it necessary for us all to be the same? There seems to be a model of perfection in today’s society and apparently it’s between a size 0 and a size 8. If you don’t fit within that model then you are the problem. The model is not the problem the FAT size 10 person (LOL can you imagine?) is the problem.

We really live in a sick society where we all are expected to fit into the same box with the same label. I want to lose weight but I don’t want to look like you, or wear the same clothes as you, or have the same things you have. I want to be me. I have blonde hair, green eyes, I am 5’4”, I have a heart, I have feelings, I cry, I laugh, I bleed, I have a Bachelor’s degree, I like to have fun, love to scuba dive, travel, play with makeup, paint my toenails, and at least two people in this world love me.

I wish you could look beyond my exterior and see that I have an interior too… and this interior looks just like yours. 

Wednesday, May 20, 2015

Stop Beating Yourself Up and Move on...

Posted by Kody at Skinny Sized at Wednesday, May 20, 2015 0 comments Links to this post

I hope your week is going well so far. I would be lying if I said mine was going well weight loss wise. I seemed to have gotten stuck in a rut this week. I think I have been focusing so much on getting things cleaned up around the house and back in order that before I knew it we are sitting here at Wednesday.

No worries! There is time to refocus. I have been thinking a lot of the future and what I want and where I see myself. It’s time for action and not just think about it you know what I mean.

I have been doing pretty well with my water this week. I had about 1/3 of a can of soda yesterday but ended up giving it to my husband. My taste and drive for soda are gone thank goodness. I really love true lemon and true lime in my water bottles these days plus their drop-ins because there are made with Stevia.

I have been super tired this week. A week ago yesterday I was taking my last finals so in a way I am giving myself a break. It's only been a week. I have earned a break. I am not going to beat myself up over a crappy week so far. Right now I am just getting my stuff together. 

I hope you guys are doing good and making magic this week!

Saturday, May 16, 2015

Graduation Day... and REALITY!

Posted by Kody at Skinny Sized at Saturday, May 16, 2015 0 comments Links to this post

Hi guys,

Yes, it’s been at least a week since I have posted. A lot of stuff has happened in a week. In a week I finished finals, and I graduated from college. Those are crying words in my book. I am no kid I am 38 so college should have been done for me in 2000 like all of my other friends. I have always been late to the party. I could go on and on as to why they graduated before I did but it’s not the time or place so instead I will move on and move forward.

So for me graduation day was totally bitter sweet. The graduating was awesome the squeezing my fat ass in the gown was not so sweet. Ugh! It was tight and uncomfortable and just simply miserable. Yep it was bad. It didn’t look terrible but it was not a happy thing to be squished into.

At one point I heard it rip around the zipper. Just about 1 inch from the gown and the zipper but nothing anyone would even notice. I have to admit it scared the crap out of me. The awesome part was hearing someone much smaller say the same thing. One size fits all is a joke because it does not fit all it fits most or even some…

I think it was a rude eye opener to reality. It made me feel so sad that once again here I am at another “happiest day of my life” situation and I am fat and miserable around tiny little people. SIGH! So any-who the good news is I will have some stress relief coming up because school is over. Until I decide to go to grad school but I am not looking to that until maybe the spring. I am in need of a major break.

I am committed to getting my life back now. I am ready to give 100% because I am so tired of being me. I was so exhausted after graduation. I just wanted it to all be over. Now that it’s over I am happy to be moving on and being free!

The good news is I have broken my soda habit. I have no desire at all for it. Even when I drink it i feel nothing. I have been drinking water by the butt load and loving it! That is a great accomplishment especially during finals and a ton of stress!

I hope you are all doing well. I will try to post a weigh in on Sunday to get everything started. I am starting up on Monday because I have a graduation dinner and so on going on this weekend and sadly the food choice will be made for me and limited. 

Thursday, May 7, 2015

And the Failure Continued...and then it STOPPED

Posted by Kody at Skinny Sized at Thursday, May 07, 2015 0 comments Links to this post

Wow the last three days have been nothing but failure. It all started with no having any veggies on hand for juicing, then when I finally got them I ended up being late on dinner then dinner became pizza which somehow lead to the next day which meant I binged on everything I could get my hands on then yesterday my husband once again  brought pizza home and ice cream.

No more! I am over it I finally told him no more too… help me not hurt me. I could tell he felt horrible. To be honest with you I hadn’t really convey to him that I was trying to take care of myself again. I just flew under the radar because sometimes I feel like telling him and the family brings too much attention to it and I end up failing because everything is so concerned or they make me feel weird if I eat something that they don’t consider being part of the weight loss spectrum.

I am kind of going light at it at this moment because I am in the middle of finals with graduation literally I week away so I am not being hard on myself because I am way overloaded and stressed so I am not being critical or too anal.

After the 17th though it’s on and I mean on! I will have time to workout and cook and do all the things I have been wanting to do for month. This has honestly been a problem since November when I fell off the wagon. School has been insane since then. The last two semester of college what do you expect right?

I am still doing my juicing and have it all ready for the day. For dinner tonight we will be having fajita chicken and maybe a big salad. At least that is what I am having. Everyone else will have other things too probably like maybe some corn and beans.

I am thinking of using the macro system when I go full force after graduation. So far I don’t really understand how it all works but I hope to find some information when I have time too. I hope you guys are all doing well. I am super happy to report that I had a sip of soda yesterday and the taste to me was horrible. I have been drinking a ton of water and drinking my fresh carrot apple juice. Loving it!

Tuesday, May 5, 2015

Failure... Starts with a BIG F!

Posted by Kody at Skinny Sized at Tuesday, May 05, 2015 0 comments Links to this post

I have heard that day four of a half ass juice fast can be the hardest day and yesterday is was a yesterday I failed and failed miserably.

It started with no having veggies on hand to make juice, then having a flat which put me behind on dinner which caused me to have to bring in dinner which was pizza, which I overate on and which caused me to eat other things and well… it was just a nightmare and one that I don’t plan on reliving today.

I felt so guilt (still do) and so miserable for what I had done. I haven’t felt that overly full in a few days and quickly realized that I don’t miss that feeling of being so full you can’t move. Yes, the guilt was shining through…

Today is a new day and a fresh start and one that will not be a repeat of Monday because lord knows I will be playing catch up for Monday all week. Pizza like pasta is not for the health person. I am surprised there are any skinny Italians, but there are because they can eat healthy too… it’s all in what you want right? And it’s all in what you are willing to give up or switch up.

So here I am ready for a new day … I hope you all are as well… I have a new Instagram account if you are interested

Monday, May 4, 2015

Half Ass Half Juice Fast

Posted by Kody at Skinny Sized at Monday, May 04, 2015 0 comments Links to this post

I have been MIA because I have been in the middle of finals and everything else I was behind on for my classes. I am now in the middle of my final…. Finals! Wahoo!! I am so excited that the college drama is over for at least a semester. In January I would like to start grad school but let’s focus on today for now.

On Friday I decided I was going to do a half juice fast. What do I mean by half juice? Sounds half assed right? Ha Ha it probably is but no it’s where I am juicing all day but I meal a day. One big healthy meal then the rest of my day is water or juice. I have even been doing smoothies consisting of carrot juice, apple juice and greens. All of this is fresh veggies and fruit of course. I decided to hop on the scale this morning to see if there are any changes and there are I went from 297 to 291 since Friday.

Now don’t get me wrong I know this will level off. I was just hoping to drop a few pounds in my last two weeks before graduation 6 pounds so far is a start but like I said I don’t anticipate a 2 pound loss each day but it would be awesome! I haven’t added exercise to this but I really need too. Right now dealing with the headaches alone has been a freaken nightmare. I have had a headache every single day since starting this adventure on Friday. I know the biggest reason is no caffeine and no soda at all. I went from drinking probably at least 4000 calories extra per week in soda to none in 3 days. That is huge for me. Yes, I am talking about regular soda too because I am allergic to aspartame and can’t drink diet soda anymore.

So far I am happy with the half ass half juice fast hahahah… that’s a good name for it. It can only be half or maybe ¾ if I am eating 1 regular meal a day right? As much as I have been OK doing this I don’t know if I would do it all the time or not. I would say no because it’s so limiting. I am half way through day 4 and still OK with it. I think knowing that you get one meal a day helps get your through verses when you are not getting anything but juice each day.

It can be expensive to do this especially if you are using organic. I went through a 5 pound bag of carrots, 1 pound bag of spinach, ½ bag of kale, 3 pound bag of apples, 1 pound bag of fruit in three days. That’s not too bad I figured in juice and smoothies. I figure just in juice it’s costing $5 a day, not including my meal, but I also might not be drinking enough either or maybe too much. I just have some when I am hungry or feeling sluggish that is it.
I have been drinking a lot of water and running to the bathroom like a crazy person for one reason or another … use your imagination. So far I am happy with my decision. Tonight I am going to Sam’s Club or Costco to load up on more fruits and veggies. Tonight for dinner will be roasted chicken, steamed broccoli, and steamed carrots. Maybe even a salad instead of carrots.

I hope you are all doing well!! Keep smiling! Keep Chugging Water! Keep your Faith!

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