Wednesday, October 15, 2014

How do you become that person?

Posted by Kody at Skinny Sized at Wednesday, October 15, 2014 Links to this post

Tight rope walking

I feel like the laziest person in the world because as of lately I have had no drive to workout. I think I am so bored of what I have been doing that doing the same stuff seems painful.
I want all the perks of losing the weight through exercise but the drive is gone… GONE!

I keep thinking these has to be something out there that I am missing but I don’t know what it could be. I am thinking about trying a few new things to see what I can stimulate inside of myself.

Oh how I wish I was that person who loved to workout and looked forward to it instead of that person who is miserable and hates working out. How do you become that person? The person who loves it, and lives for it?

My parents never worked out as a matter of fact I don’t think anyone in my family has ever been the workout kind of person. Walking is about it. Going to a gym… forget about it!
I want to be the person who loves to workout and loves to forget about the world while doing so, but so far no luck.

How do you do it?

Sunday, August 3, 2014

Week 6 of Weight Watchers Weigh In

Posted by Kody at Skinny Sized at Sunday, August 03, 2014 Links to this post
Yes my toes need to be done again!
Hi everyone!!

This morning was my 6 week on Weight Watchers weigh in! I got a nice surprise because I lost almost 2 pounds brining me up to over 27 pounds!! Hoorah!!

I am beyond excited to see 27. I am so close to making the lowest weight loss I have ever had while doing this! I went down from 302.6 to 279. Technically I am already lower in weight loss than that because I started with a higher weight this time…. We don’t want to talk about that though ;-(

275 will be the biggest weight loss for me in for every!! I was 275 when I got married almost 8 years ago so I am closing in on that number 249 is the weight I met my husband so that’s closing in too!!

I am excited and proud of myself. I really love what’s going on and I love that I am doing this and I am doing it for me. How awesome is that? Something for ME!

When I hit 279 a few years ago I only did it by a hairs breath and it only held for a week because at that point I gave up. I didn’t want it bad enough and I left life derail me.

I feel more determined than ever. How is it that I am done with 6 weeks of Weight Watchers and then 8 weeks (less 1 week in there for vacation) that I was losing prior to Weight Watchers and I am still going strong mentally? It’s EASY I want it this time! I am not letting life get me off track. If I have a bad moment I move forward, if I have a bad day, I move forward. I am determined to get moving forward to find happiness within myself!

Thursday, July 31, 2014

Wishing For It Doesn't Mean Success!

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Sensible Portions Apple Cinnamon Straws... AMAZING!

My friend Mariss is always along for the weight loss ride with me, but there are times I honestly think she just brings me down. Although she always says she is in it I know she isn’t! You know that friend that likes to be part of things until she has to actually work at doing them?

There are times I just want to tell her to give it up, or even give it up until she is actually ready to make the commitment it takes to lose weight. You can’t just wish for weight loss and expect it to happen you have to actually work for it. Sadly, I don’t think she has any desire to do anything except be part of the group.

I know from personal experience that losing weight is hard and you are going to mess up and you are going to feel bad about something’s you have done, but you have to pick yourself up, dust off those yoga pants and get back with it. We all fail sometimes…

You didn’t gain this weight overnight, and all of that eating really was harder work than you think it was, you were just too busy enjoying the hard work. LOL

I can’t stress enough all the hell you are putting yourself through if you are not ready to make the commitment. You are miserable and you are probably making everyone else miserable around you. Until you are ready to commit stop frustrating yourself.

You have to want this, and if you don’t truly want it then wait until you do. Find what drives you and work with that. This isn’t for everyone at every moment. You will know when the time is right for you. Something will click. You hear about this clicking all the time! It really is something that just happens and you feel it and you know you are ready.

I don’t want to say give up because I don’t mean that, but decide what you want then act on it. You know how they say think before you speak… think before you try to lose weight because if you are not ready you will never be successful.

Thursday, July 17, 2014

Some Days You Just Have to Take a Bow!

Posted by Kody at Skinny Sized at Thursday, July 17, 2014 Links to this post

Sweaty ... Stinky... Feeling Amazing!
It’s very rare that I am ever proud of myself but today I feel really proud. This may sound like a “who cares moment” for some but for me tonight was a big deal.

I was really craving a burger and fries which I have set as “off limits” most of the time. Although I was craving this delectable beast I knew by indulging I was going to be walking a fine line with my points. If I am eating out I always budget my day around such an event. Like a salad for lunch verses a sandwich and stuff like that.

At the last minute tonight we decided to do burgers and fries. I made a promise to myself that if I was going to doing this I was going to have to pay for it with a killer workout, and I did! I ordered a junior burger and small fries which still left me 6 points for the remainder of the night. The burger was OK but not as good as what I had been dreaming about!

I knew I made the promise to myself so at 9pm my killer workout started. I pushed it harder than I have pushed it in years and it felt amazing. I was pushing it so hard I could smell the burger sweating out of me ugh! Yes it was gross! I couldn’t wait to shower and get that smell off of me.

I am proud because I ate that meal and burnt off that many calories and more in my workout! I killed it and it felt amazing. I feel amazing that I did it.

So yes, I am taking a bow!

Wednesday, July 16, 2014

Multi-Vitamins... Triggering Hunger?

Posted by Kody at Skinny Sized at Wednesday, July 16, 2014 Links to this post

I believe my multi-vitamin is causing me to be hungry all the time! I am talking ravenous hungry! I wanted to believe it was all in my head but I don’t think that’s the case…

I did an experiment to see if this could be possible. For a few days I took the multi-vitamin and I was starving all night I mean starving to the point of crazy! Then I went without taking the multivitamin for a few days and had no hungry issues. I was actually good and satisfied except when it would be a normal meal time.

I think I am going to start taking my vitamins before bed to see if that will make a difference and make me feel better. I don’t like that out of control feeling and to be honest with you it’s not worth taking the vitamin if that’s going to happen. 

Crazy hungry person and Weight Watchers do not mix! I am already a natural born beinge eater I don’t need something else to add to my plate so to speak!

Sunday, July 13, 2014

Food or Water? Defining Freedom...

Posted by Kody at Skinny Sized at Sunday, July 13, 2014 Links to this post

I just had this awesome feeling come over me… I know it’s a long time in the making but, I had the coolest thought come to mind… at this time next year I will be comfortable enough in a swimsuit to actually go swimming.

I love to swim … I mean I LOVE to swim, but fat is fat and I am too fat to be in a swimsuit! I don’t think I miss anything more (other than a lost relative) than swimming. I have loved it since I did it the first time and for me no swimming is like a loss of a friend or a loss of my other half. Water comes naturally to me and not swimming for years hurts me deeply!

I love the thrill of water, going to water parks, scuba diving, snorkeling, and a nice lazy river rider. I mean I love everything about water sports, water craft, and just water in general…

I can’t wait for the day when I feel the chains removed from my body, when water is freedom again, and water is happiness. So I guess it comes down to one thing… what’s more important… food or freedom? 

Sunday, July 6, 2014

Looking Back... Makes Me Sad...

Posted by Kody at Skinny Sized at Sunday, July 06, 2014 Links to this post

Today I was looking back on my MyFitnessPal Weigh in History and I must admit it made me really sad to look at it. Week after week, month after, here I am with the same weight in’s bouncing back and forth. It’s embarrassing.

For years now, most of my life actually, I have been dealing with this weight loss/gain drama in my life and I hate it. When you grow up in a big family where almost everyone is big it’s easy to allow yourself to spin out of control and I did to the fullest.

I have been out of control since I was 10 years old. Talk about taking a toll on my body. The lowest weigth I have seen in years is 281.2 and that was almost 2 years ago!

When I met my husband I was 250 then over the last 9 plus years I have ballooned up to 310 pounds (my highest) and now I am in the process of working my way down….

I don’t want it anymore…. Someone else can have it!

Friday, June 27, 2014

The Things You Miss Now That You Are Fat!

Posted by Kody at Skinny Sized at Friday, June 27, 2014 Links to this post

There are so many things I miss about being skinny. Who knew the simple things in life I really was taking for granted?

I miss:
  • Being comfortable in chairs
  • Shopping anyplace
  • Never having to worry if I will fit in a seat or in  seat next to someone
  • Feeling sexy
  • Not worrying if I am crowding someone else
  • Always finding my size
  • People looking me in the eyes like I am human
  • Flying
  • Loving myself
  • Strangers caring about my feelings
  • Pretty clothes
  • Feeling confident
  • Scuba diving
  • Riding roller coasters
  • Crossing my legs
  • Not sweating much in the heat
  • Being happy
  • Wearing cute shoes and not looking like a buffoon
  • Swimming
  • Taking a bath with my husband (TMI! I know)
  • Feeling pretty
  • Feeling comfortable naked
  • Not worrying about what other people think
  • Walking down an aisle with ease
  • Going to the beach
  • Not worrying if the seatbelt with fit
  • Feeling rested
  • Not being out of breath
  • Wearing dresses
  • Not being passed up for jobs because of my weight
  • People not staring at you when you eat

It’s no secret I still need to lose 125 pounds but that doesn’t change the fact that I am still human that I still have a heart and feelings and I still want to live life like everyone else. I also want to be treated just as good as any other human. I am human no matter what is wrong with me in the eyes of others. I hurt and bleed…

I just want these little things back that are so BIG to me!

Wednesday, June 25, 2014

When a Vacation Is NOT a Vacation!

Posted by Kody at Skinny Sized at Wednesday, June 25, 2014 Links to this post

Our vacation was one nightmare after another. It should have been relaxing but instead there was always something going on so although it should have been fun I actually couldn’t wait to get home again. Yes, it was that bad!

The good news is that I split most of my meals with my husband and I did a lot of walking so when I weighed in on Monday I actually only gained one pound exactly. I don’t know about you, but I think that is awesome!!! Between the delicious food, fried food, and desserts I should have come home with a lot of extra pounds but I didn’t! Score one for me!

The last time I went to New Orleans on vacation I gained 10 pounds, that wasn’t going to happened this time, no way! So long story short I am so happy to be home back in my comfort zone and enjoying this week. Sometimes a vacation just isn’t what it’s cracked up to be.

Saturday, June 14, 2014

My Bodies Reaction to Sugar... Herpes Whitlow

Posted by Kody at Skinny Sized at Saturday, June 14, 2014 Links to this post

When I was in college I somehow picked up herpes whitlow in my finger. There was a major outbreak according to the school physician and I was an unlucky victim. I assume I got it either off of a desk or in the bathroom. It’s something that I have in my middle finger. I only have breakouts when life is either stressful, I have been sick, or I have a major sugar intake.

Sugar blast and stress are my triggers and this week it’s been sugar. I have been doing great not eating sugar then suddenly I let my cares disappear for a few days and now I am paying with an outbreak.  I was really sick last week so that probably didn’t help either. Sadly, there is nothing I can do to prevent it, but I would love to thank the nasty person who containment me in college.

When I have an outbreak I have to cover my finger with a bandage for weeks. It hurts like hell. I end up with a streak up my hand and I just want to cry because nothing makes it feel better. Even with medication it can still take weeks to go away. I have an outbreak two to three times a year. Normally not at this time but I guess it’s going to happen anyway.

Now let’s make it worse. I leave for vacation on Monday! Wahoo now add an infection on my finger that is terribly painful. Once again I just want to cry.

I am trying to look forward to my vacation but suddenly that happiness just came to an end. I know people will say oh what’s the big deal move? Move on, and have fun! I wish it was that easy but it’s not! The discomfort is brutal! Sigh! Some days it just doesn’t pay to get out of bed!

The picture above is just the beginning. It's how you know things are about to go wild and NOT in a good way! 

Wednesday, May 14, 2014

Just because you are FAT doesn't mean you don't want to be loved!

Posted by Kody at Skinny Sized at Wednesday, May 14, 2014 Links to this post

I find this video fascinating. I think anyone who has been overweight has felt this way but at the same time I believe the character that is the “fat girl” is overly defensive. Can you imagine being on a date and someone confronting you like she does Louie? This would be my last date with this person that’s for sure.

As for myself, I had a lot of good guy friends growing up and those guy friends might have liked me because I was fun, or had a great personality or whatever, but none of them ever liked me enough to ask me out. Do I think it was because I was fat …? Absolutely!

I don’t think it’s that they didn’t want to be with me, but I think they never asked because they didn’t want to be seen with me as a girlfriend or even a date.  Dating someone who is fat is embarrsing and people will stare at you right?

When I met my husband I was about 60 pounds lighter than I am now, but don’t get me wrong I was still about 100 pounds overweight then. He was an athlete and still gave me a chance and even wanted to date me. Isn’t that sad? I look at ever guy I went out on a date with as someone who gave me a chance. They looked beyond my weight and said why not?

I think I am a good person and I am fun, but 80% of the time I wasn’t ever given a shot. You know that… “Your pretty, BUT….ummm!”  When I say this it isn’t meant in an arrogant way by any means, but I think a lot of men missed out on me. They never gave me a chance because of everything superficial. I am not saying I am a prize catch but you don’t know if someone is worth their weight (no pun intended) until you get to know who they are.

I am the winner in the end because the real man of my dreams is the one I married, the athlete who gave me a shot and never looked back! Every day the perfect couple never happens because some superficial man or woman rejects the person of their dreams and keeps looking for something “better!”

Tuesday, May 13, 2014

Should Painting your Toes REALLY be a Workout?

Posted by Kody at Skinny Sized at Tuesday, May 13, 2014 Links to this post

The answer is NO! Painting your toes really shouldn’t be a workout… it really shouldn’t wind you and it really should exhaust your entire body to reach down with nail polish remover and remove the old polish and paint your toes with new polish.

By the time I was done painting my toes I was exhausted. I now know why I put off painting my toes so much. WOW! I was beat doing something that should be so simple and easy. It’s crazy to think that the normal average person doesn’t have this problem but I do because I haven’t been willing to change any of my bad habits!

Can anyone else sympathize? How embarrassing that something so simple and easy can be so mentally damaging. Now I understand what fat men are going through when they can no longer see their penis. It’s mentally and emotionally damaging. Ha! No there is a picture! ;-)

Monday, May 12, 2014

Don't Waste Your Calories

Posted by Kody at Skinny Sized at Monday, May 12, 2014 Links to this post

You are so going to want to try these Birthday Cake M&M’s, but I caution you not to waste your calories. Birthday cake flavor is so appealing but you will wish you had those 197 calories back because they are not as good as they sound! They are overly sweet and have a faint (and I mean faint) flavor of birthday cake! Nope I’ll Pass Next Time!

Wednesday, May 7, 2014

An Open Letter to Me!

Posted by Kody at Skinny Sized at Wednesday, May 07, 2014 0 comments Links to this post

I am in a bad place in so many ways, but more than anything I can’t seem to get my mind into this. I want to lose weight I do … I just can’t seem to get focused and just do it. I have done so well in the past then I pissed it all away.

My heart is breaking because I have no control. I don’t even know what is wrong with me but clearly something is…. If you want it so bad then why can’t it happen? Why hasn’t it happened? Why do you let anything at all stand in the way of your dream?

Your dream to wear cute clothes, shop in stores for normal people, and be able to swim in a swimsuit. My goodness you love to swim almost as much as you like to breath yet here you are letting it all come to an end. *BOOM*

You say you want a baby so bad you can taste it, well… the problem with that is time is running out, the clock is ticking, and soon that dream will come to an end. One of your dream will then never ever come true and ONLY because you never allowed it to happen. Why won’t you change, why can’t this happen? Don’t doing this to yourself!

Friday, January 10, 2014

I am a Binge Eater

Posted by Kody at Skinny Sized at Friday, January 10, 2014 Links to this post

I have a project coming up for one of my classes and the assignment is to pick a habit of yours that you dislike and try to change that habit during the semester.  You will be using a self-help book and incorporating what you learned throughout the course to devise a plan of action on how to change that habit.

After thinking about this project I decided to not only do the project but do it all the way. As a matter of fact I think this could be a great project for just about anyone, you don’t need to be in the class to participate. Do we ever really look at our problems and analyze the issue or do we just try to “get over it?”

I know I have a problem with food but I never really knew exactly what the problem was or what it was called or if it really even had a name. After searching online for exactly what I see going on with myself I realize my problem and boy does it have a name. I am a binge eater. After reading what are symptoms of Binge eating disorder you would have sworn they wrote this for me like someone was peeking through my window and saw exactly what was going on. 

Here are the symptoms:
Behavioral symptoms of binge eating and compulsive overeating
§  Inability to stop eating or control what you’re eating
§  Rapidly eating large amounts of food
§  Eating even when you're full
§  Hiding or stockpiling food to eat later in secret
§  Eating normally around others, but gorging when you’re alone
§  Eating continuously throughout the day, with no planned mealtimes
Emotional symptoms of binge eating and compulsive overeating
§  Feeling stress or tension that is only relieved by eating
§  Embarrassment over how much you’re eating
§  Feeling numb while bingeing—like you’re not really there or you’re on auto-pilot.
§  Never feeling satisfied, no matter how much you eat
§  Feeling guilty, disgusted, or depressed after overeating
§  Desperation to control weight and eating habits

All of these things are exactly like me… to the letter! I eat when I am sad, depressed, lonely, I never feel satisfied no matter how much I eat, I always eat normal when people are around but as soon as  I am alone I eat like a wild boar. Although I am not proud to admit all of this I am excited that I can have a name to associate with it and maybe understanding it is a way of dealing with it, and changing it. 

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